So Damn Close!

Coming out of Agua Dolce (mile 452ish) the top of my right foot hurt while stepping but I chose to ignore it.

Around mile 590, I fell and face planted and, of course, all the weight went onto the right foot. I heard something pop and my foot gradually became worse and worse after that. Thankfully, the terrain wasn’t too steep although I had some miles of incline. By the time I was at 626, the trail was all sand and was making things even worse for my foot.

The fall spot. Don’t even know how I fell! There were literally no rocks or anything!
I hobbled out and got a ride from Devilfish, a “trail Angel” (someone who offers help to hikers – brings water, gives rides, etc), to Ridgecrest where my friend Tess lives.

Got to calling doctors and podiatrists the first day and nobody in Ridgecrest or even Lancaster area was available until a week or two later or didn’t give cortisone shots.

Got an appointment in Santa Clarita for the day after, near where I used to live. Found out my old renter got back with his ex and she’d moved back in so there’s definitely no turning back now, considering I’m officially totally homeless. Picked up some stuff and went to the podiatrist.

It was as I thought – tendonitis. Got a shot of of cortisone. 3rd day since I got the shot and still don’t feel better. In fact, my foot was extra swollen yesterday.

๐Ÿ‘†๐ŸปRight foot is a bit swollen, as you can see in pic.

Feel like I’m out staying my welcome at my friend’s house. I can’t go hiking, can barely walk and just honestly beyond depressed.

Found out someone has concerns about some stuff I write on my blog so now I feel censored in what I write but have decided I’m going to write what the fuck I want anyway. I was brought up with the stupid idea that “if you can breathe, you can work” and that depression is bullshit and weak and not a real thing.

Well, “depression” is a regular word in the dictionary, defined simply as “: a state of feeling sad”. I’m not going to justify myself or my feelings. If you don’t like what I say, fuck off. Or just stop reading my blog.

Fact of the matter is that I have decisions to make. Everything I want is in making this hike happen. I’m SO close to the Sierras – only 48 more miles!!!! But money is running so low – all these unexpected medical expenses are killing me, I’m injured and have nobody to talk to. I went through my phone, name by name, and realized I have nobody. Everyone has their own lives and families and nobody wants to hear me whine.

Not sure what I’m going to do. I’m trying to stay cheerful and let my body heal but I don’t feel any change so now I don’t know what to do. Where would I go if this doesn’t heal and I have to stop the hike? This is really triggering some dark shit for me and I’m trying not to go there but can’t help it.

Anyway, here are some pics from the last stretch.

๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿปhiked into the KOA in Acton at the end of Memorial Day weekend and people at the KOA unloaded their leftover booze and snacks on us hikers! Was SO nice!

๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป got to see my girls, who came up to Santa Clarita to see me.

And my other girl, Ali, came to see me for a minute too.

๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป Mojave/Tehachapi. So dry

๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป more snakes.

ย ย Went past a shitload of these windmills. They’re so big!

ย ย 

๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿปso many dead trees and dirt. Sometimes though, you’d get some of these wildflowers.

More poodle dog bush! ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป

ย ย 

Gene The Machine ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป despite some knee issues, he’s just powering through the miles.

๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป got DanceMagic to cowboy camp for the first time!
ย ย 

Water cache!!! This was on one of the driest sections.

Hikers hanging out at the water cache.

ย ย 

Joshua Trees were the only things giving shade for a long stretch of the hike.

ย ย ย Random update videos I shot. Hiking solo, I have to start talking to my friends somehow.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย 

11 thoughts on “So Damn Close!

  1. Hey girly!

    Heal up your foot and make sure you are getting enough good food for a bit. Then get some crowdfunding going and get the heck back on the trail! It’s okay to fall down and have a hard time, I’ve found that it is usually when you are closest to a breakthrough. Relax for a bit, don’t give up and don’t be afraid to ask for help. An whoever said smack on your page just has a different viewpoint, doesn’t mean your viewpoint is invalid, you feel what you feel, you go through what you go through, IT IS OKAY to feel / express.

    Good luck!!! Amy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve read your whole blog, and my opinion is more important than most people’s. So, you can take my word for it that there is nothing you should censor or feel bad about. People that like to think they are better than the general public because they refuse to acknowledge the concept of depression, well, they can shove it. I could go on about that subject, but I’ll save it for another time.
    Sucks about your foot/ankle. I hope that gets better so you can make it up here to Oregon.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Saina, you have every right to write whatever you want to on your blog. Whatever makes you feel better, be it writing, hiking, or doing your podcast. I’m glad you already realize that, but wanted to second your decision to write whatever the fuck you want.

    This may seem kind of random, considering we haven’t even seen each other in like 15 years, but what you said in this post really resonated with me and I wanted to let you know I’ve been following your blog since around your second or third post and it is so inspiring to me. I don’t think I’d have the balls to make the journey you’re making, but it’s fun to follow along and has actually pushed me to do some things in my life I was waffling on.

    Hit me up on Facebook if you ever need someone to chat with – I know the feeling of not having anyone to talk to in the rough patches because they all have their own lives to build, but I don’t have a life outside of work. ๐Ÿ™‚

    If nothing else, keep on keeping on, and thank you for sharing your story!


    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hang in there. Sorry you have to postpone your hike. Really enjoyed your many photos and your blog. For some inspiration try the book “300 Zeros” by Dennis Blanchard (Amazon) about a man who had a heart attack while thru hiking the AT. Took a year off and completed the trail the next year. Depression from an injury is common I know from experience because I broke my back. At my age, 76, recovery is slow but you are young and will heal quickly. Hope you will be back on the trail soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That sounds like a great book! Thank you for the recommendation. I’ll check it out. Hope your back heals completely and thank you so much for the kind words. I really, really appreciate it! ๐Ÿ™‚


  5. Saina, I have been enjoying your podcast. I was so sad to hear the disappointment in your voice about having to leave the trail. If you want to recuperate on the trail until you can get back on the trail come hang out at our trail angel house. We are at Bucks Lake, mile 1267. E-mail me if you are interested.

    Liked by 1 person

    • โค Awwww… Thank you SO much. Your comment made me teary. So freakin' sweet!!! Right now, just need to get some X Rays and find out what's going on. I really, really hope I can get back on trail!!! What is your email?


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