Fuckin Foot, Man

So. Over. This.

My foot continues to hurt more and more every day even though I’m not doing much of anything to it. I’m doing the whole RICE – Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevating – thing. Cortisone shot didn’t do ANYTHING. I’m also torturing myself, looking at other hikers’ Sierra pictures, thinking “I should be there right now”. Saw some dirty hikers in Inyokern yesterday and I just got so jealous – I wanted to be them, prancing around on 2 working legs with their packs on their backs, trying to resupply and get back on trail…

Went to acupuncturist yesterday here in Ridgecrest and that was super relaxing and I felt some negative energy leave my foot. The acupuncturist and I discussed how foot issues are sometimes very much a metaphor for one’s journey sometimes. While I like to entertain such concepts, I can’t help but know this is just a physical injury and, really, doesn’t have much more meaning than that.

Worried it’s a torn tendon at this point or a stress fracture. Need to get X Rays. Ridgecrest isn’t a place that has a great medical sector though. I went to Urgent Care today and they told me it would be $400 just for X Rays. Unbelievable. Totally not worth it so now I have to go shop around and find some place that won’t cost me an arm and a leg and that isn’t so far away.

Trying not to go crazy and jump to worst case scenario but I’m thinking I might have to abandon the hike if this continues. If I was getting better, I wouldn’t have to think about that but my foot is just feeling worse and worse. Just thinking about giving up makes me teary eyed and were I not at my friend’s house with her kids right now, I probably would start sobbing uncontrollably. TWO FUCKIN YEARS, I’ve been planning for this. TWO YEARS!!!! I’ve never stuck to any goal for longer than a few months since I get bored easily but I did for this. For the trail. I gave up an amazing rental situation, a good job and sold my car – that I had JUST paid off. I put ALL my eggs into this basket. And now those metaphorical eggs are just splattering all over the place or are rotten as fuck.

What’s worse is that I can’t even really drive since it’s my right foot and walking is painful so WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO??? I apologize to my family for the swear words but WHAT THE FUCK????

I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t know what to do. I’m at the end of my wits… the very end. Everything was starting to work out, podcast thing I was helping out with was awesome and – even that – I’m being edged out of, which is totally understandable considering the fact I may not even be on trail anymore and the show has to go on.

I’m not a quitter. But time keeps tickin away and this foot is just ruining it all and funds are running super low. Might be time for a Plan B. Just thinking of going back to a nine to five job though and starting the vicious day to day routine makes me want to shoot myself in the face with a shotgun. I’ve done it so many times. Work for the man, get paid, buy shit, get rid of shit, buy some more shit and shit, eat, repeat. I was finally doing something to feed my soul some yummy landscapes and challenges and while the desert is gorgeous, I was doing that to prepare myself for the Sierras – SO close yet is now slowly getting more and more out of reach.

AAARGH!!!!!!! Thanks for listening to my rant. ❤

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9 thoughts on “Fuckin Foot, Man

  1. Oh no! Sucks that your foot hasn’t gotten better! I really hope things turn around for you. I know how bad you wanted this. Call me if you need to vent! Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Helped a gal from Germany who rolled her ankle on day 2 going to the start party. She needed to be off trail 6 weeks, it was Bad! shit happens.
    Just remember to hike your hike, if you need to rest…do it, hitch forward and then resume this precious gift of time that you made for yourself. The Sierra’s will still be there another time, you have 2 other states that are going to offer you soooo MUCH. Do not create a long term injury for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope your foot will be okay! It’s so frustrating but I do admire your accomplishments so far. Like someone said above, hike your own hike, the trail will always be there for you whenever you can return to it, but I really hope you can return to it soon!

    Liked by 1 person

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