So. Over. This.

My foot continues to hurt more and more every day even though I’m not doing much of anything to it. I’m doing the whole RICE – Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevating – thing. Cortisone shot didn’t do ANYTHING. I’m also torturing myself, looking at other hikers’ Sierra pictures, thinking “I should be there right now”. Saw some dirty hikers in Inyokern yesterday and I just got so jealous – I wanted to be them, prancing around on 2 working legs with their packs on their backs, trying to resupply and get back on trail…

Went to acupuncturist yesterday here in Ridgecrest and that was super relaxing and I felt some negative energy leave my foot. The acupuncturist and I discussed how foot issues are sometimes very much a metaphor for one’s journey sometimes. While I like to entertain such concepts, I can’t help but know this is just a physical injury and, really, doesn’t have much more meaning than that.

Worried it’s a torn tendon at this point or a stress fracture. Need to get X Rays. Ridgecrest isn’t a place that has a great medical sector though. I went to Urgent Care today and they told me it would be $400 just for X Rays. Unbelievable. Totally not worth it so now I have to go shop around and find some place that won’t cost me an arm and a leg and that isn’t so far away.

Trying not to go crazy and jump to worst case scenario but I’m thinking I might have to abandon the hike if this continues. If I was getting better, I wouldn’t have to think about that but my foot is just feeling worse and worse. Just thinking about giving up makes me teary eyed and were I not at my friend’s house with her kids right now, I probably would start sobbing uncontrollably. TWO FUCKIN YEARS, I’ve been planning for this. TWO YEARS!!!! I’ve never stuck to any goal for longer than a few months since I get bored easily but I did for this. For the trail. I gave up an amazing rental situation, a good job and sold my car – that I had JUST paid off. I put ALL my eggs into this basket. And now those metaphorical eggs are just splattering all over the place or are rotten as fuck.

What’s worse is that I can’t even really drive since it’s my right foot and walking is painful so WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO??? I apologize to my family for the swear words but WHAT THE FUCK????

I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t know what to do. I’m at the end of my wits… the very end. Everything was starting to work out, podcast thing I was helping out with was awesome and – even that – I’m being edged out of, which is totally understandable considering the fact I may not even be on trail anymore and the show has to go on.

I’m not a quitter. But time keeps tickin away and this foot is just ruining it all and funds are running super low. Might be time for a Plan B. Just thinking of going back to a nine to five job though and starting the vicious day to day routine makes me want to shoot myself in the face with a shotgun. I’ve done it so many times. Work for the man, get paid, buy shit, get rid of shit, buy some more shit and shit, eat, repeat. I was finally doing something to feed my soul some yummy landscapes and challenges and while the desert is gorgeous, I was doing that to prepare myself for the Sierras – SO close yet is now slowly getting more and more out of reach.

AAARGH!!!!!!! Thanks for listening to my rant. ❤