Dirty 30

It’s coming up in a few days, on the 12th. The end of my 20s…..

I can’t help but reflect. Since December, I basically finished backpacking through the desert of SoCal, visited Yosemite and worked in the Adirondacks in New York. Not too bad but my mind is still whirling with the possibilities.

The 20s were an era of their own. I fell in love, got abused mentally and physically, got drunk, got sober, thought I’d die, lived, was surprised by my friends with their love, missed friends, lost friends, gained amazing friends. I hoped and I dreamed. That’s all I can ask, I guess.

But I want so much more. I want friends that live far away from me. I want to see them and talk to them. I want to see my family in Finland. I want to see my ex.

Some will happen. Some won’t. That’s ok. But since my PCT attempt, I can’t seem to adapt to the complacent thinking I was used to.

I can’t have the regular jobs I did before. I want something more. But it’s taking a lot more effort than I thought it would take. I’ve never had trouble getting a job before until now.

I want something outdoors. Something substantial that would allow me to save money while also enjoying the beauty of the wilderness. I had some hopes of getting a job at the Grand Canyon but that didn’t happen. That was a little crushing since I thought I killed the interview, which was after being filtered through their HR.

Although I never finished the PCT, I understand rejecting the norm afterwards. I’m not content with settling down with a regular job. Accepting a job like I had before goes against every fiber of my integrity.

Life could be worse. I have a few friends that are ridiculously helpful and I would absolutely homeless without them and I’m not oblivious to that. I’m beyond grateful but I also feel like I’m outstaying my welcome. I need to make a difference somehow in the universe.

3 thoughts on “Dirty 30

  1. Dear Saina, I “discovered” you on Sounds of the Trail earlier this summer. I know this message comes a little late, but I was so bummed about your injury. Also, belated Happy Birthday! I just turned 29 last week, so a year from now, I’ll be turning 30 and I’m already resisting this change. (I’m still learning not to resist life.) Anyways, just wanted to to say ‘hi’ and let you know I appreciate your contributions to Sounds of the Trail, your Instagram feed, your blog, etc.. I feel a kindred connection with you (probably the love of hiking) and would welcome the opportunity to meet someday. I’m tentatively planning a PCT hike next summer, so perhaps we’ll meet on the trail. All My Best, Kathy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Kathy!!! Your words made my day. ❤️🙏🏻 And Happy belated Birthday to you too, fellow Virgo? super excited for you to make the PCT journey! Hope you can make it. And, yes, hopefully I can try it again next year too and we may meet up there. You never know! Are you in Cali?


      • Yes, currently in Redding, heading south, probably along the eastern side of the Sierra Nevadas. Was hoping to do a 2-3 night hike in the SNs in the next week or two, but need to check out the snow/weather conditions. My partner and I spent a night up at the Sky High Lakes in the Marble Mnt Wilderness on Monday, and it was chilly. Also, I’m living and traveling in a truck camper right now: http://www.motorhomin.com.


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