I POSTED THIS ON MY FORTHEWANDERERS SITE FIRST. So kind of a duplicate. If you’ve read that, no need to read this. Just feel this is more suitable for this blog than that one.

 

I think it’s the second week of van life, anyway. hahaha. Time is just freakin’ flyin’ !

Offered to help out with trail maintenance both Saturday and Sunday on the PCT. That was hard work but definitely rewarding. Think I might do it more, simply for the workout – you hike in and then work out your arms, back and legs the rest of the day. A Facebook friend of mine – who’s planning on going Northbound (NoBo) on the trail in about a month – said she wanted to come when I posted about it.

She came later Saturday, we all then went to Casa de Luna – trail angels’ home (a trail angel is someone who assists hikers coming through on the trail – whether it be with car rides, food, a place to sleep, etc). We all ate and drank some beers/ciders and then slept there.

Next day, needed to leave early so was going to go with my FB friend back since she needed to go too. Her Subaru – which had already been having some issues – ended up breaking down on the crazy rugged dirt trail leading to the trail. Thankfully, one of the other workers had a tow line and was able to haul her car back to the main road with his truck. I went with her and her friend to make sure they could get somewhere with cell service, to get tow truck, etc. Ended up driving them to Azusa later.

Although absolutely not having been expecting or looking for this, I really ended up liking one of the guys I met that day. Not my usual type whatsoever but super sweet. But, of course, he’ll be doing the PCT soon so not date-able anyway. Oh wellz.

That seems random but this is actually a HUGE thing for me. About 2 years back, I had – well, let’s just call it a “violent sexual encounter”. I bled for days after. When it happened, I was in so much denial about it since someone I knew – or thought I knew – was responsible. Seems cliche but that very much happened. My friend in Australia, who I told first, was angrier than I was. It wasn’t until I was mid savasana during a yoga class, months later, that the memories came flooding in full force. It was almost as if I was experiencing it all over again. I could almost smell the room, see my blanket, feel everything. I had to leave class and sobbed in my car for a full 1/2 hour.

It was just before I had my IUD inserted so not sure if my significant weight gain (talking 50lbs or more) was due to that or the experience. What I DO know is that, after that, I had absolutely NO desire to be sexually active ever again. My weight gain  – while depressing me at times – was a blanket of security to ensure nobody would see me desirable. It felt GOOD to not be the one club promoters ran after in the street, begging for me to go in their douchey clubs. I didn’t feel threatened walking alone in sketchy areas anymore. While lonely, I was also comforted by the invisibility I now seemed to have.

I attempted a couple times with one or two people since then to get over it but my body just wasn’t feeling it. Sooooo, long story short, to feel something in the southern region or to WANT any physical closeness with anyone in and of itself is a big step for me. I think I’m finally healing.

I can’t believe I wrote that but I think I needed to. Tears are just streaming down my face right now but it feels good to say this to kind of a faceless audience. Thanks for listening. ❤️

 

Me actually working for a second 😉 👆🏻

Getting towed out

Everyone working except me. I’m documenting 😉

I hate hats (hi horrible hat hair!), long sleeves, long pants  but ’twas worth it for the trail that gave me so much.