I always found it fascinating to think how others see you. After all, no one person will think the same of you as someone else. Everyone sees you through their own filters of the world.

Even your own version of yourself isn’t what you present to the world. Cue the people who think they’re hot shit but are really ego driven assholes, etc. Or think the worst of themselves when, to everyone else, they’re the most amazing people.

Considering I’ve met so many fascinating people in my travels, I’d love my story to be told through my version of them and the music that has been keeping me company along the ways. Of course, names will be changed and the stories themselves edited and sometimes cut or exaggerated for the sake of the story. But if I die, I’d want to be remembered through their eyes.

And, of course, this is something I’d love others to join me on, whether just by copying parts of my roadtrips or just adding their wanderlust-y songs to my playlist. I’ll be posting them individually but also will post my google drive with all the bits and pieces I’ve put together thus far. Below is just a snippet.

 

Intro teaser:

“In the movies, you usually see people fighting to save the world. We find it so heroic and daunting. But what people don’’t realize is that it’s just as heroic – if not more difficult – to save your own world. 

The demons and antagonists in the latter scenario are much more dangerous, considering it’s your very own subconscious you’re fighting. They know you. They ARE you and are always one step ahead.

I don’t see and/or hear enough of these types of stories. Instead, they’re shushed up… flawed heroes are put on a pedestal, the evil they commit along the way not spoken of, and those on the fringes of polite society are judged and deemed guilty and shunned for having the atrocity to make others uncomfortable.

Oh, hi. I’m Saimi. You pronounce it like “ Sigh-Me”. It’s Finnish. That’s where my parents are from. My mom brought me to the States though in search of enlightenment with some cult that I recently left. I haven’t seen or talked to her in years and my dad is drinking himself to death somewhere in cold-ass Finland. No siblings. Just me.

 I’m 32 yrs old. I always thought I’d die before I turned 28 though which is weird (since I’m still here) and I’ve kind of come to the point in life where I’m over it all. I’ve been over it but have kept myself around for the sake of my friends since I didn’t want to be one of those “selfish” people who killed themselves. But I think now that it’s selfish of others to keep someone around who is in chronic pain daily. It’s easier for pets to be put down than it is for us to do it to ourselves. Nobody wants to talk about it either so here I am rambling away in my head again.

Anyway, I’ve concocted a plan. I’ve always been about symmetry and since I’m coming up to my 33rd birthday, I decided I’m going to just end it all at 3:33am on my 33rd birthday. I love Southern Utah and Zion so Angel’s Landing seemed to be appropriate considering I’d be a human demon falling from there. Also, just for shits and giggles, I googled the numerological meaning of the number 3 and it talked about it being the number of joy and optimism. (laugh)

I have a few months to kill so will make one last final roadtrip. I’ll be heading from San Diego, go up the coast through Oregon and Washington and to Kelowna, Canada. And since I’ll be in Canada, might as well head over to Banff and see that beautiful shit before I die. Then I’ll head on down into Montana, Idaho and Wyoming and into Utah, visiting friends along the way. Of course, they don’t know that I’m on a suicide roadtrip. Nobody likes a crybaby so keeping my shit on the DL. Plus what do you say to that “Oh, hey, so just wanted to say goodbye since I’ll never see you again. I’ll be jumping off Angel’s Landing September 12th! Love you! *blows air kisses*”??

Playlist: