Paris Day 4

Not much to tell. Paris has been lovely but also overwhelming. Ready to start my pilgrimage. Actually thinking about doing a silent one (not speaking entire time) just to try it since I know it’s sort of a meditative experience and will help me to quiet down and really take in everything and listen to people but, realistically, doubt that’s going to happen. Anyone who knows me knows I talk – sometimes too much for other people’s comfort. πŸ˜‚

I definitely need to come back when I’m not so emotionally raw so I can revel in the energy here. If Paris was a blind date, they’d be a hot guy that probably thinks I am an emotional wreck and not cool enough to even hang out with. Hahaha. I’ll be back for a second, better, impression. 

I head out maΓ±ana (working on my Spanish skills since headed into Spain πŸ˜„) on the train. Excited to get to the point of this trip which is walking and walking and to heal.

I’ve been having flashback nightmares. Anyone that’s dealt with PTSD knows what I’m talking about and it’s not pleasant. Memories from past abuse come up and even new, sometimes even worse than what I remembered, ones rear their ugly head. So haven’t slept well until today, when I took quite a long nap.

Super grateful for my uncle and his family for taking me in. Not having grown up around family since age 8ish, there’s always a period of awkwardness (for me) but they’ve been so lovely and welcoming that it’s truly been heart melting and I love them for it.

Tourist spots here are cool but seeing people making duck faces, putting up peace signs and taking selfies in front of them just isn’t the type of space I’m in and kind of irritating to me at the moment but if they’re having fun, go for it. I’m just not going to join in. Maybe next time.

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3 thoughts on “Paris Day 4

  1. Wow. Just caught up on your days in Paris. How exciting and exhausting, uplifting and infuriating. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through the panic attacks.
    With your uncle’s fan being so lovely despite the time and distance, I can totally relate. It’s so lovely to feel unconditionally loved and welcomed by my Austrian fam every time I visit.
    I seriously hope your feet hold up and you can thoroughly enjoy your hike. Silent or not. πŸ˜„πŸ˜˜

    Liked by 2 people

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